Ai-yi-yi January 18, 2008

The 10yo Tank and the 6yo Pistol are playing some kind of superhero game with stuffed animals. Tank is getting agitated: “You can’t be invincible, that’s not fair!” Pistol is getting a little weepy, insisting that he wants to be invincible, that it is not unfair! As I am starting to intervene, it occurs to me that Pistol has no idea what “invincible” means.

So I turn to Tank: “Does he mean invincible or invisible?”

Tank: “He means invincible and it’s not fair, then we can’t even play a game!”

Mom to Pistol: “Tell me what invincible means.”

Pistol: “Well, they can’t see him, and …”

Mom gives A Look to Tank.

Tank, looking slightly abashed: “Well, he needs to fix his grammar!”

Mom, abandoning the field, doesn’t even try to fix Tank’s “grammar.”

a minor victory January 11, 2008

Getting the 12yo to wash her newly greasy hair is always a bit of a challenge, so I usually save it for when we’re about to see someone who will care (like grandma) or it gets so bad it smells. Today I asked her to shampoo and “the usual” kicked into gear. She went and thoroughly brushed it (a minor victory in itself!) and then came back to ask, “Does it look okay now?”

Sadly, it did not, whereupon the next level started: “But it doesn’t look greasy to ME! Why do you say it looks greasy?” 

“Well, because I am a mean, evil mom who delights in your distress and whose primary goal is to make your life hell on earth, dearest.”

Properly abashed, she yet pressed on: “But why can’t I see it? Why do you say it looks greasy and it doesn’t look greasy to ME?”

“Well, sweetie, you are twelve years old. Do you notice when your shirts are dirty?” Her eyes went a little wide and she shook her head. “And do you notice when your braces need cleaning?” Now her head drooped as she shook her head again. I didn’t even have to say anything else, as she headed for the shower.